欅句会 2014.092014/09/02

 兼題は花野と露。私の思い浮かぶ花野は道後山しかない。道後山の稜線に花野の縦走路があり、それは分水嶺となって、北側が山陰、南側が山陽に分かれている。

花野

       道後山 陰陽分つ 花野径

と読んで2点頂きました。私が頂いた花野の句は先生の句で、7点の高得点。流石、先生の花野の句は何時も良い。

 露の句は私のは駄目でしたが、良い句が多く4句も頂きました。一つは先生で、二つ目はUFOさん。両方ともも7点以上の高得点。露の綺羅の表現は汀子先生の句によくあり、最初先生の句かな思ってましたが、作者が判った時、意外とは感じませんでした。最後の締めが絶妙です。残り2句はYDSさんの露の玉とNYNさんの芋の露。露で4句を頂いため、泣く泣く消したのが、たぁさんの大文字とUFOさんの秋茜。秋茜を外したのは動詞が二つだったからですが、今見ると露の玉も動詞が二つ入ってました。たぁさんの大文字とSENさんの鳥海湖は作者が見え見えなので、敢えて採らなかったのですが、大文字は先生の特選句の一つに選ばれてました。

 当期雑詠で選んで頂いたのは、クルーズ客船の出航を見送った時の事を詠んだ


       客船を 見送る空に 秋の雲

で頂いたのはUFOさんお一人でしたが選評までいただきました。
 そして、もう一句は一年前の兼題で敗れたのでリベンジを試み

       星月夜 父の遺せし 双眼鏡

星の綺麗な夜は父が戦時中使っていた双眼鏡で星を眺めて、父の事を思い出します。先生を含め3点頂きました。

 兼題で4句も頂いたので当期雑詠で選べる句は2句しか残ってません。一つはGuriさんの盆の僧に付いて来た幼児を詠んだ句で、20年前の初盆の棚行に付いて来た3歳位の子坊主さんの事を思い出し、頂きました。もう一句はMSTさんのこほろぎ。旅慣れた男の句かと思ってたら、女性でした。

 
 番外で今朝の日本海俳壇に入選した句を紹介します。

       大西日 信号ながき 交差点

梅雨明け十日の暑い頃、作った句でしたが、今年はその後、天候不順で信号待ちが辛い日は少なかった。





コメント

_ UFO ― 2014/09/02 22:43

露の句を選んでいただき有難うございました。
結構苦労して、バリエーションが10ぐらいできて、終いには
何がいいんだか悪いんだか分からなくなってました。最後の締めが
良いと言って下さったので、あれでよかったのかなと・・・。
主人が船旅が好きなので、クルーズ船には思い入れがあります。
海と空の青と、客船と雲の白の対比が目に浮かび、美しいと思いました。

_ 朗然 ― 2014/09/02 23:11

露の綺羅は上五か下五に使われているのをよく目にしますが、句跨りで使われたの見たのは初めてで新鮮でした。
それを効果的にしているのが最後の二文字だと感じました。
採って頂いた句の上五は最初、クルーズ船としていました (^_^) ありがとうございます。

_ たぁ ― 2014/09/03 13:12

昨日は出席できなくて残念でした。いつものようにいい句がたくさん出たようですね。
拙句についての情報もありがとうございます。これからも精進いたします(*'‐'*)♪

_ 朗然 ― 2014/09/03 13:30

先生が大文字の句はその時その場に居ないと出来ない句だと褒めていらっしゃいました。
マッターホルンの句は行った事のある人達でマターホルンの見える花野は何所だろうと盛り上がってました。

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